IMPOSTER SYNDROME

Ahem

It’s been a while.

I mean, a while may be an understatement but hey… at least I’m back?

In another post I promise I will address my eerily long absence with a 20 page rant on work schedules, laziness and a fight with HTML I have long since accepted I will always lose, but today, I’m here to discuss something that’s been on my mind a lot recently, and that is the idea of Imposter Syndrome.

To those who don’t know what Imposter Syndrome is, god bless your sweet innocent summer souls, I envy your self-confidence and worth and hope you never lose it. However, the majority of us will completely understand the feeling of Imposter Syndrome, that idea of looking at everyone around you and going “What the hell am I doing here?” That feeling of not being as good as or good enough for anyone and everyone around you.

I go to the University of St. Andrews, regularly listed as a top university in Scotland, Britain and the world. It’s a big name to live up to and I have had a lot of interested oo-ing and ah-ing whenever I tell someone. There’s a reputation; I mean the freaking monarch to be came here so of course I expected a high standard. What I didn’t expect is the sheer level of brilliance – which admittedly was stupid on my part. I am surrounded by geniuses from all areas of the globe (namely America – good lord there are a lot of you here), and for someone who has always been doubtful of their ability, it’s kind of taking an impact.

I mean, don’t get me wrong, I know that buried way down deep under the self -doubt, insecurity and rage against a system that takes a love of learning and twists it into a fear of failure, there is an intelligent person in my brain screaming “FOR GOD’S SAKE JUST LISTEN TO ME!”. But as someone who got into this university with a questionable work ethic and grades lower than the conditions they set me, that voice has shrunk down to a whisper, unable to compete with the other voice who’s simply and monotonously repeating “Why are you here?”.  The first few times it’s easy to bat it away, ignore it, keep pushing through knowing that you deserve a place. But after two months of it, it can be exhausting.

I’m absolutely happy to be here, and I wouldn’t dream of dropping out or losing a place I did genuinely work hard for, even if the grades didn’t show it, but this battle with myself is something I have to deal with day in day out, the idea of insecurity and fear as I write an essay, knowing it’s not good enough but knowing I’ve left it so late that it’s what I have to hand in, watching friends who are just brilliant tear themselves down intellectually because they believe they’re stupid, while you sit there knowing factually they are more brilliant than you could arguably ever be.

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There’s no real point to this, and I’m fully aware of how depressing this is to kick off my blog again, but I guess I just want to let people know that if you’re going through this, no matter what context or your ability, you’re not anywhere you shouldn’t be, and that’s something I too need to remind myself. I deserve to be here just as much as Prince William did and just as much as anyone else does, otherwise quite simply, I wouldn’t be sat here right now, watching the waves crash into the pier, writing a blog post about how I don’t feel clever enough to be at a top university. I just need to remind myself more often.

My Naked Palette is one of my most well loved products. A selection of everyday shades that could also be turned into much smokier nightwear with amazing quality and pigmentation. However, I am also aware that for a lot of people the Naked Palette is slightly out of their price range, and so we look to the other palette in the photo. 

w7's In The Buff Palette in Lightly Toasted is pretty much a shade by shade copy for a fraction of the price. The quality of the shades is not as good as the Naked, but still very good for the price, especially with the Toasted, Smog and Hustle dupes. The Naked Palette as a whole has more of a creamy, shimmery finish while the w7 does verge on glittery for a few shades, especially the Creep and Gunmetal shades. However, Lightly Toasted still has a lot of pigmentation in most of its shades and is long lasting and creamy.

Something I do love about this palette is the Half Baked dupe. The Half Baked shade in the actual palette brings me out with an allergic reaction and my eyelid swells up (yeah, it's not fun). However, the w7's shade is pretty much exactly the same shade and I have had no reaction as of yet! 

Lightly Toasted Palette's quality, while not at the same level as the Naked, lives up to the expectations I had when I purchased it and more. While w7 is a US brand, I managed to pick this up by complete surprise in B&M Bargains of all places for something ridiculous like £4. So if you are around somewhere that sells these and you want to give the Naked Palette a go but you don't want to fork out, here's your option!

Thanks for reading!

Shannon

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With summer comes heat, and with heat comes sweat and the inevitable smudging and melting of make up. Bearing this in mind, I decided to expand my matte lipstick collection by picking up three shades of the MUA Velvet Lip Lacquer online to give a try. The shades I got are Criminal, Reckless and Serene (left to right). 

Reckless and Criminal really impressed me. Both were highly pigmented and incredible colours. While slightly sticky at first application, they quickly dried and mattified, and after this you could hardly feel them on. They are slightly drying due to how matte the finish actually is. They do not transfer at all and keep their opacity for several hours, even after eating, drinking and sweating. 

However, with Serene I had some issues. While it applied similarly to the other two, I found after a few seconds of it being matte the product almost seemed to peel off my lips from the centre. It gave a much streakier finish and also did not have the same opacity as the other two lacquers. Due to the picture being slightly off on the website, I found the colour to not match me at all and instead make me look ill or an odd colour. However, on application I'm really not sure who this would suit...

All in all for £3 each, the quality of Reckless and Criminal was unexpected and far surpasses what I actually was expecting. Definitely a recommendation for those two, and maybe stay away from Serene.

Shannon

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I spend nearly all of my time watching some sort of media, be it YouTube, films or tv shows. One I have been loving recently and mentioned on my weekly roundup a few weeks ago was Daredevil, a Netflix original that I have fallen in love with in a big way. 

As an actor, the acting is one of the first things I notice in anything I watch. I want it to be believable, I want the subtle idiosyncrasies that real people have and the continuity of real life, and this delivered. Big time. The show stealer for me was Charlie Cox in the role of Matt Murdock. He really stepped up to the part and showed a complex character full of internal conflict and a want to do the right thing, but not knowing how to get there. He also really played with the Catholicism of the character and how it would influence his actions, and we as an audience can see this. 

We also see the strengths of the other actors, with the likes of Elden Henson as Foggy and Vincent D'Onofrio as Wilson Fisk, the main antagonist. Henson shows a complexity to the character of Foggy that I believe someone else may have missed. This really helps add to the friendship between Foggy and Matt and makes it incredibly believable. D'Onofrio also shines in this, with the audience ending up almost sympathising with the character we should hate. A highlight from the entire series is the "ill intent" monologue, as it truly shows his capabilities. There are many other scenes that come to mind, but in order to avoid spoilers, I will not mention them.

Another thing I really liked about the show was the continuity and style. Each episode started off exactly where the last one had finished, and so as a result felt like an extremely long film.  There was also a huge amount of detail .e.g. a healing bruise over a few episodes. This just helped add to the realism. Things such as lighting and cinematography also impressed me massively as despite it being a  TV show, they were incredibly thought out and clever, helping to set the scenes nicely. 

All in all, the only real fault I can find with it is that Season 2 isn't out sooner! Definitely recommend to anyone who is looking for a new TV show to watch.

Shannon

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This week in England has been ridiculously hot. As someone who burns through windows and passes out in 20 degrees heat, I have found it hard to function. A positive of this heat however is that I've dug back into my old stash of more waterproof/sweat resistant products as well as buying a few new ones! 

The first products I have found is the Maybelline 24 hour colour tattoos. I have talked about these before, both on my blog and on my youtube channel. I stopped using them in favour for my Stila Palette, but with the recent heat I didn't want to spend ages putting make up on just for it to fall off my face later on. The 24 hour tattoos stay on your lids until you choose to take them off with makeup remover and are practically heatproof. Thank God. They are also very pigmented and easy to blend, especially with each other as I have found. The two colours I have been loving are Metallic Pomegranate and On and On Bronze, and mixed together on the lid create a really nice rusty bronze finish that may not be too summer appropriate but still looks very flattering. 

The next favourite I have been loving this week is the Benefit Watts Up highlighter. I use a matte blush a lot of the time as I love the colours I have, so this adds a healthy glow to my skin and helps me feel more summery. It comes out a champagne colour and is very easy to blend into the skin. I apply onto the cheekbones and occasionally down the bridge of my nose if I feel I'm looking particularly dull and it really brightens my complexion. 

My final beauty favourite of the week is a new purchase, the MUA  velvet lip lacquer in Criminal. It goes on really well, and although slightly sticky to begin with, it mattifies quickly and you can barely feel it on your lips. I bought a few different shades, so expect a full review later this week! I feel this colour is extremely summery however and as I have very few bright pinks, it really adds to my collection. 

My last love of the week is Parks and Recreation. Pretty much everyone knows about this show, but if you are late to the party all I can say is watch it! I rarely laugh out loud at TV/film and this has me almost crying with laughter almost every episode. I have slightly fallen in love with Ben Wyatt and April Ludgate and truly love the show and the realism of the plot and the comedy. It is set in a fictional town of Pawnee and describes the journey of Leslie Knope, played by Amy Poehler, through her career in local government and personal life. A real must see!

So these have been my loves for this week, I hope you enjoyed and thank you for reading!

Shannon 

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Recently I booked a trip to Paris for my best friend and I as she just turned 18. Looking through photos from old trips has made me incredibly excited, and as I've never written a blogpost on Paris, I thought why not?

As someone who doesn't speak much French, the idea of travelling without my fluent mother terrifies me. However, I am beyond excited to go and get even more shots, hopefully better than last time!

Shannon

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"you're not sorry."

"it wasn't okay."

"you're right."

"i'm not okay."

"i don't understand."

"yeah okay, i'll be there soon."

"i need help."

"i want you to stop talking to me."

"i'm not a doormat."

"no." 

"no."

"no."

"yes."

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